OxyMorons

Just think about "oxymoron". Makes one think of real dummies on oxygen, right?

I received this list from my in-laws, and got a chuckle or two or three out of them. However, I have a few comments on most of them, which I hope will be good for a grin or two.

Subject:Top 35 Oxymorons


35. Government worker.
(I have seen gov't workers actually working. At least twice.)

34. Legally drunk.
(Oh, it's allowed, as long as you don't drive/walk/talk.)

33. Exact estimate.
(Had one of those once. An auto mechanic. He lied.)

32. Act naturally.
(Tried that. Got arrested.)

31. Found missing.
(Tried that. Almost got drafted.)

30. Resident alien.
(Tried that. Scully didn't find me. Darn, she's cute!)

29. Genuine imitation.
(I do a pretty good imitation of normality, most of the time.)

28. Airline food.
(Eaten only by roaches and rats and desperately bored travellers.)

27. Good grief.
(Defined as given to an enemy. I've arranged that, at least once.)

26. Government organization.
(Not an oxymoron. Gov't IS organized to a fare-thee-well.)

25. Sanitary landfill.
(Consisting of Joey from Jersey, Frank from Chi-town...etc)

24. Alone together.
(Only when I forget to take my medicine...)

23. Small crowd.
(See 24 above)

22. Business ethics.
(No argument.)

21. Soft rock.
(Yech. I once heard a Muzak rendition of Magic Carpet Ride.)

20. Butt head.
(Like Artesians. "I seen 'em! They's ugly!")

19. Military intelligence.
(See 20, 32, 33)

18. Sweet sorrow.
(No argument)

17. Rural Metro (ambulance service)
(Carries candidates for Darwin Awards?)

16. "Now, then..."
(Well, "now and then I gets an idea...")

15. Passive aggression.
(Like the guy in Tianmen Square who stood up to the tank? Brave, but not too bright.)

14. Clearly misunderstood.
(I stood up instead of shutting up.)

13. Peace force.
(See 32, 31)

12. Extinct life.
(See 33, 34, 35 and the Darwin Award Honorees)

11. Plastic glasses.
(I wear 'em. So what?)

10. Terribly pleased.
(Only for Cosmic Calamities and other special occasions.)

9. Computer security.
(It can be done. But it IS unusual.)

8. Political science.
(Right up there with Social Science.)

7. Tight slacks.
(Can be a Good Thing, on the right person, which I'm not.)

6. Definite maybe.
(I use this one all the time! Got it from my Dad.)

5. Pretty ugly.
(No argument, it's an oxymoron)

4. Rap music.
(No argument again. "Rap Crap" comes to mind.)

3. Working vacation.
(If the Prez does it, it must be possible.)

2. Religious tolerance.
(Guaranteed by the Constitution. Of course, these days,
in America, it probably IS an oxymoron.)

1. Microsoft Works.
(Actually, it does, and fairly well. Microsoft's products
are unfairly hammered for lots of alleged failures which are
actually the result of Microsoft being the big guy on the
block, and therefore the biggest target around.)